This blog post is for humans only

As of now, I haven't seen most of the films that were nominated for "Best Picture" before the Academy Awards aired last weekend, but one I did catch was "District 9." "The Hurt Locker" took home the prize, but make no mistake, "District 9" is no loser. In short, it's a sci-fi action movie with a brain. It's the classic "aliens invade Earth" scenario, but instead of coming to New York or London intent on destruction, these aliens arrived in Johannesburg, South Africa, in the 1980's, malnourished, sick, and seeking refuge. They are initially welcomed by the humans and housed in a temporary government camp, called District 9. Twenty years later, the "prawns" as they come to be known, are still living in the camp, which has become a slum, and the humans of Johannesburg are growing tired of their presence. A Nigerian warlord has moved into District 9, where he deals in inter-species prostitution and gives the aliens cans of cat food in exchange for their weapons. The Multi-National United company (MNU) wishes to move the aliens to a "better" camp outside of Johannesburg, but in reality they are more interested in studying alien genetics and weapons than in ensuring their well-being. MNU field operative Wikus van der Merwe is the man charged with moving the aliens to the new camp. When he arrives with his team to serve the eviction notices, he is accidentally exposed to a strange alien fluid. He begins to feel ill, and after collapsing at a surprise party at his home that night, he goes to the hospital and discovers that he is beginning to take on alien characteristics. MNU now wants him for genetic and weapons testing, but Wikus escapes and returns to District 9 to seek help. He teams up with an alien who says he can help Wikus become human again if he'll help him return to his ship and get back to his home planet. I read that the director and writer of "District 9," Neill Blomkamp, based the film on his experiences growing up in South Africa during apartheid. In fact, the set for District 9 in the movie was no set at all. It was an actual South African slum, which the filmmakers risked their safety entering every day. The director's driver reportedly had his car stolen at gunpoint one night while driving to the site. Despite the parallels to the real history of Johannesburg though, I actually found the new take on aliens to the be the most interesting part of "District 9." Most science-fiction films depict aliens as hostile creatures who mean to destroy us and take over our planet. But what if this wasn't the case? What if they did show up as poor, hungry, huddled masses? How would the human race react? Considering how cold we tend to be to people of other races and nationalities, it's hard to imagine we would show any kindness to beings from a completely different planet. I thought the idea of setting up government housing for the aliens was probably a vast overestimate of the welcome they would get in reality. I don't know if I believe in aliens or not, but I do know one thing, if they do exist, they're probably much better off wherever they are, far away from Earth.

What happens in Vegas makes for entertaining cinema

So let's say you're writing a film about four guys out to have the ultimate bachelor party. At some point in the action, you want the characters to win $80,000 to pay off a crazed Asian high-roller, kidnap Mike Tyson's tiger, and marry one of their friends off to a stripper/escort. What setting do you choose for said film? Boise? You might be able to find a strip club, but it'd be hard to come up with the cash. Minneapolis? No Mike Tyson tigers there. Orlando? Possibly, but too many kids around. No, there's only one place -- Vegas baby! Las Vegas is arguably the best place in America to go crazy in. If you want to enjoy a no holds barred, hang out with your wang out good time, there's no place better than Sin City, and that's what makes it a dream location for Hollywood scouts. "The Hangover" is an example of Vegas cinema at its raunchy finest. Ed Helms (who we all know and love as Andy Bernard on "The Office"), Zach Galifianakis (who has turned the quasi-ruhtard Alan into a household name), and Bradley Cooper (who really needs no explanation because he's EVERYWHERE right now) play three guys who have to hit the streets using missing teeth and hospital wristbands as clues to find their friend Doug after a night of drunken debauchery that none of them can remember. Only in Vegas, folks. What are some other Las Vegas movie classics? "Oceans Eleven" (1960 and 2001 versions): A gang of thieves plans an elaborate casino heist. "Viva Las Vegas": Elvis Presley and Las Vegas, a match made in tacky heaven. "Rain Man": There's only one place to go when you want to exploit your autistic older brother's card-counting talents. "Honeymoon in Vegas": What to do when you can't pay your gambling debts? Trade in your fiance! (P.S. This movie also get a bonus for featuring flying Elvises.) "Casino": Why come up with a money-laundering scheme when you can steal from gamblers legally? "Showgirls": Just one little stripper, who never hurt anyone, who is just trying to make her way in the world -- naked! "Leaving Las Vegas": When you want to drink yourself to death in the arms of a prostitute, again, there's nowhere better. "Fools Rush In" and/or "What Happens in Vegas": After drunken one-night stands, grown men and women learn absolutely no lesson from their mistakes when they fall in love anyway. "Swingers": You're so money baby and you don't even know it. "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas": Title says it all. "Pay It Forward": A child's do-gooder theory sweeps the nation, but started at his Clark County public school. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but just some highlights (and lowlights) of films set in Las Vegas. And as long as people can still cash their paychecks at the casinos, carry open containers down the street, and get married at drive-through windows, I'm sure there will be many more to come. Viva Las Vegas!

Lifetime: Are you man enough?

Life has been busy lately and I'm afraid I haven't been able to watch many movies, which means I've also been neglecting this blog a bit. But tonight I had a chance to light some candles, draw a nice hot bath, and watch some Lifetime (aka television for women.) Just kidding about the first two, but I did watch a Lifetime movie (hanging head in shame.) As much as it pains me to admit it, this was not my first, or my second, or third -- I pretty much lost count a long time ago. Lifetime is a guilty pleasure of mine, and even better is its sister station, the Lifetime Movie Network, where it's all made-for-tv movies all the time. Now, in my defense, it's not as if I go out of my way to watch these films. It's usually a situation where a) There's nothing better to do or b) I start watching and then can't seem to bring myself to change the channel. Anyone who's ever watched a Lifetime movie can back me up here -- they do seem to suck you in. There seem to be three formulas at work: the true-life drama, the false-life drama, or the completely ridiculous comedy. My favorites are the comedies, because sometimes the plots just get so nuts, you have to admire them for going there. You know how all the great Oscar-worthy films get released around Christmas? Well, if there were an awards show coming up for silly Lifetime movies, here are a few doozies I saw back in December that would be up for the honors:

1. Eve's Christmas: A few days before Christmas, a young woman, played by Elisa Donovan, makes a wish and wakes up 8 years in the past to rethink the decision she made when she left her fiance on Christmas Eve to follow her career in New York City. (I liked this movie better the first time I saw it, when it was called "The Family Man" with Nicholas Cage.)

2. Road to Christmas: Jennifer Grey stars as a woman who hitches a ride across the country to get to her Christmas Eve wedding in Aspen. In a fully predictable twist, she ends up falling for the guy driving her, but it all works out because her fiance turns out to be gay. (Sure ladies, hitch-hiking with strangers could be dangerous...or you could live happily ever after. Worth the gamble?)

3. Secret Santa: A newspaper reporter, played by Jennie Garth, tries to uncover the identity of "Secret Santa" a kind soul who grants a Christmas wish to one lucky person in need every year. As the tagline says, she discovers that "the best gift to open is your heart." (Such a lame movie, but I did find myself sticking it out to the end because I wanted to find out who Secret Santa was.)

4. 12 Men of Christmas: Kristen Chenoweth plays a New York City publicist who ends up in Montana helping some lumberjack-types make a shirtless hunk calendar to raise money for their emergency rescue program. No really, that's the actual plot. (Shameless Lifetime, absolutely shameless.)

That's just to name a few. There are countless Lifetime movies out there that are equally groan-inducing. Anyone want to share one of their favorites?

Life is like a box of chocolates...you know the rest

It's "Can't Get Enough Gump Week" on AMC -- seven nights of "Forrest Gump" in a row. Back when the film first came out on video I watched it more times than I can count, but it had been a while since the last time I saw it. Thanks to AMC, my love for "Forrest Gump" has been renewed. What is so special about this movie? Obviously, it's just an enjoyable film to watch -- it's inspiring, it's wholesome, it'll make you laugh and cry. Beyond that, "Forrest Gump" is a classic depiction of the American dream that isn't seen so often in modern films. Here is a man who comes from modest beginnings and finds great success in his life. Forrest Gump isn't particularly intelligent, but what he lacks in brains, he makes up for in heart. He isn't greedy or ambitious, he just does what he thinks is right. Thanks to his goodness, honesty, and loyalty (plus some kick-ass ping pong skills), he becomes a millionaire, meets the president three times, and still manages to get the girl in the end. His naivety is refreshing at a time when most movie heroes seem to be utterly cynical, utterly flawed, or just utterly ridiculous. "Forrest Gump" is the ultimate feel-good film, and let's face it, couldn't we all use that right about now? Catch it on AMC this week while you can and fall in love with it all over again. And that's all I have to say about that.

Evolution of a teen heartthrob

He's come a long way from the pages of Tiger Beat, folks. That's right, with his latest film, "Shutter Island," Leonardo DiCaprio has once again reminded the movie-viewing populace that's he more than just a pretty face. Like most girls around my age, I loved him back when he was prancing around in "Romeo + Juliet" and "Titanic." And why wouldn't I? With his feminine features and unintimidating physique, he was a pre-teen girl's dream. But not everyone was a fan back then. The very characteristics that drove the young girls wild often drove other people nuts. Bring up the subject of Leonardo DiCaprio these days and those very same people might start to make some snide comment about "Leonardo Di-Crap-rio" -- but then they'll stop and say, "Wait, I actually LIKE that guy now." Yes, it seems Leo has turned the tables and won the hearts of his harshest critics. But how did he do it? How did this tree-hugging thespian shed his girly-man reputation and become one of the coolest cats in Hollywood? Two words: Martin Scorsese. Sure, DiCaprio might have earned his first Academy Award nomination for "What's Eating Gilbert Grape," but let's be honest, he lost most of that street cred after that steaming pile otherwise known as "The Man in the Iron Mask." It's my theory that it was Scorsese's "Gangs of New York" that really helped begin to bring DiCaprio back from the brink. Next, this dynamic duo teamed up to make "The Aviator," which I didn't love, but it earned DiCaprio his second Academy Award nomination. Then came "The Departed," which was just an all-around great movie. (Seriously, if you have not seen "The Departed," drop everything and go rent it immediately. You can thank me later.) At that point it became clear, you can't hate this guy anymore -- he's awesome. Which brings us back to "Shutter Island." I don't want to give too much away, because if you've seen the trailer, you've seen enough. Just know that it's good. I first heard about "Shutter Island" a few months ago and had been looking forward to seeing it ever since. There are lots of movies I want to see and a few that I really want to see, but sometimes a movie comes along that I just get super pumped about. "Shutter Island" was not a "maybe we'll go see a movie this weekend" occasion -- it was a "planned out for weeks ahead of time" event. Why? Leonardo DiCaprio. Same as when I was 13, only now, I don't see a movie because Leonardo DiCaprio is in it, I see a movie because I know if he is in it, it's going to be amazing.

New York, je t'aime

In general, I'm not a huge fan of "artsy" films. I prefer movies driven by a plot as opposed to a concept, but I made an exception for "Paris, je t'aime" and it's companion piece "New York, I Love You." "Paris, je t'aime," the first of the two, is a collection of 20 short films about love in all its forms, each set in Paris. The shorts were all made by different people, mostly French directors, but some American, including the Coen brothers and Wes Craven. And for all you foreign-film-phobes out there, fear not, it was only about half in French. The cast features many big-name American, British and French actors (Juliette Binoche, Willem Dafoe, Gerard Depardieu, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Bob Hoskins, Emily Mortimer, Nick Nolte, Natalie Portman, Elijah Wood -- just to name a few) and also many foreign actors most of us have probably never seen before. What I enjoyed about "Paris, je t'aime" most, and what sets it apart from other similar films, is that the stories weren't interconnected and there was really not much of a central theme other than the setting. They were totally separate short films -- some were sweet and tender, some were comedic, some were a little more out there, but all were entertaining and showed a unique perspective on love. To be able to introduce characters, tell their story and resolve their conflicts within a two-hour movie takes talent, but to do it in just a few minutes, and to have the audience emotionally-invested within that time is amazing. The directors, writers and actors were able to achieve this with most of these shorts. Beyond the stories, I also loved seeing all the different parts of Paris featured in the movie. It's really such a beautiful city, and it definitely made me miss my days of travelling the world. "New York, I Love You" follows the same concept, except obviously the short films are set in New York. Again we have various directors and an even more star-studded cast (Rachel Bilson, Orlando Bloom, James Caan, Bradley Cooper, Ethan Hawke, Shia LaBeouf, Blake Lively, Christina Ricci, Robin Wright Penn, etc.) I enjoyed "New York, I Love You," but not quite as much as "Paris, je t'aime." While the stories were still compelling, I felt they lacked the variety seen in the other movie, as if many of them could have easily been directed by the same person. This may have been intentional though, because in many of the transitions, characters from different segments came into contact with each other, so I think there was more of an effort to create cohesiveness than was seen in "Paris, je t'aime." All in all though, two great films. It's refreshing to see love depicted realistically, whether it's between husbands and wives, family members, friends, or even sometimes strangers.

If you are what you eat, I think I might be a loser

We've all heard about how obesity is a national epidemic in America, and how rates of diet-related illnesses, such as diabetes, heart disease, and cancer, continue to rise. Many think of these conditions as self-inflicted, meaning you choose what you eat, so if your diet makes you unhealthy it's your own fault. But when we live in a country where huge corporations control every aspect of food production, from agriculture, to marketing, to the government agencies designed to regulate and protect our food supply, how much of a choice do consumers really have? This is one of the questions explored in "Food, Inc.", a thought-provoking documentary by filmmaker Robert Kenner. The film, which is up for "Best Documentary Feature" at next month's Academy Awards ceremony, includes interviews with Eric Schlosser (author of "Fast Food Nation") and Michael Pollan (author of "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and "In Defense of Food"), as well as other crusaders in the fight to change how America eats. Most people probably don't give much thought to what they are putting in their mouths every day, but our food choices are not only affecting our own physical well-being, but also the economic, social, and environmental health of our nation. I chose to stop eating meat about a year and a half ago after reading "Fast Food Nation" and some other food-related books and articles. But even after making that decision, I still sometimes feel like someone else is controlling what I eat. Living in a small rural community, I don't have easy access to a Whole Foods store or a farmer's market, and even if I did, like most people these days, my biggest limitation when I'm at the grocery store is my budget. In "Food, Inc." a low-income family of four is shown trying to find bargains in the produce section of a supermarket. What they learn is that any way you slice it, fresh vegetables and whole grains are more expensive than four sandwiches off the Dollar Menu at McDonald's. And why is that? Because McDonald's wants it that way. When you are the largest purchaser of ground beef, potatoes, etc. in the United States and you want to keep your costs down, you get to have a lot of say in which crops the government subsidizes. And that my friends, is why we have $1 burgers, but not $1 broccoli. I could go on and on about the issues discussed in "Food, Inc." -- the treatment of the animals, the amount of corn in the average American's diet, the lack of regulation by the USDA and FDA, etc. -- but that could take all day. Instead, I'll just encourage you to watch this film, watch other films about this subject, read books on the topic, and just pay attention to what you're eating in general and where it is coming from. The food industry may be able to decide what gets sold, how much it costs, and how it's made, but we at least still get to decide whether we want to buy it.